plz talk dirty to me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This baby is an asshole
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
