last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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