3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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