All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
nutella sex= disaster
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize