The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
