I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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