Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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