we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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