Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
