he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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