is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
