So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
