His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
