We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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