Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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