i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
