Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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