we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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