It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
