I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
