Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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