So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
