He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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