I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
