Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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