so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
