I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize