Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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