her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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