She said her name was "party"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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