So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
