So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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