i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
