Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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