Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
