i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize