You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
