Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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