a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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