u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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