grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
