tell your sister to shave her snatch
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
