so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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