Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
