Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
