Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
