Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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