I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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