Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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