im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
