my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Two words: blizzard sex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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