How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
