Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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