i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize