This house was built for laser tag.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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