My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize