I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
