She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
