I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
