he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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