we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
