There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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