its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
sex in a hospital.. check
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
