Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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